© Ella Ling

Roger Federer

PseudoFed: Stanford is starting to get My GOAT


Not Roger Federer writes for The Tennis Space: 

Hi Guys and the girls!

I am making the waves from London in the U of the K sending you all best wishes from My residence.

My wonderful staff at The Tennis Space begged for Me to write yet more wise words of the guidance. I paused before answering, just to create the tensions, and loved seeing their little faces when I said yes.

They asked me to write about how it feels being everybody’s favorite as well as the recent award of Humanitarian. Well, I confess I do eat some meat so I’m not sure if I can be called the latter. However, we all need to make wise choices about what we put into our tummy.

What I really want to discuss is Stanford, especially after some things he said after playing Rafaello on Wednesday. Look, you know staff and I like Stanford, he’s a great guy and sometimes we have fun times together when playing in Saint David’s Cup, when I choose to make the participations.

But I feel at the moment that he is a little bit starting to get My GOAT. I have discovered that he just copies everything I do. Let’s be gentle, I couldn’t be a greater role model I know you agree, I certainly agree with Myself. So part of Me doesn’t blame him. But on the other hand (left) it can make the minor irritations.

I was born in 1981 in Switzerland. What did he do? He waited 4 years and then in 1985 he decided to be born, also in Switzerland! Already this is enough to raise the eyebrows. After going to school and doing all My homework I thought I’d try My hands and feet on the tennis court. As Bruce Springsteen says in the song Thunder Road, “… I got this guitar and I learned how to make it talk.” Well, no matter how hard I try I have never gotten any of My racquets to talk. However, I know you all agree that I’m not bad at my job. (Some recent months not to be considered).

What did Stanford do? He also decided to play tennis. As the years have passed he has proven to be quite the player. I thought he’d leave it at that. But no, he was not content, he still wants to do the emmulations. A few years ago some of you may remember I politely whispered to Novak’s family to “Shut up” during a match. To this day I don’t know why they were so noisy. Everybody knows tennis is a sport for gentlemen and ladies with no cheering, merely polite clapping and a tipping of the hats after some points. So Stanford decides he needs to go one better after he lost against Rafaello in London, and if anybody knows how that feels, I do. After the match he said some things about Uncle Toni (not My Uncle).

Stanford, this needs to stop. What will you do next? Buy lots of houses around the world and also collect ABBA memorabilia? Although if you happen to find a ticket stub from Stockholm, 1974 signed by Benny Andersson, I’ll swap you a t-shirt signed by Anni-Frig Lyngstad from the Money, Money, Money tour.

Much love,

PF xx