© Ella Ling

Wimbledon - Roger Federer

PseudoFed column: I want to run the LTA

   
PseudoFed writes for The Tennis Space:
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Hello fans,
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My best friends at The Tennis Space asked about My up and coming vacation and as always I am happy to oblige and take time out of My busy schedules.
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Anyway, let’s get down to what you all want to know, the details. Well, as always when talking to My fans I like to make the honestations. I first got the idea of having a really long and extended break from Rafaello Nadal (tennis player). I played him quite recently, well, I think it’s fair to say he played Me. I chose to lose because he has been away for so long I felt a lift of the confidences was in order. You’re welcome.
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So, as I was saying, I may follow in his footsteps and take an extended break. A sabbacial. A few months off and only coming back for the finals in some of My favorite tournaments. Mr. Wimbledon has already confirmed that he would be willing to make the necessary adjustments. Rafaello isn’t the only person to have done this. Pistol Peter hasn’t played for ages and John McEnroe teases us sometimes about when he will play again. Sometimes I make the jokes with him and tell him that he cannot be serious. He makes the strange expression with his face (front part of head).
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What would I do during my vacation times? Well actually I can’t tell you. It is the secret although I will make some hintings. I am needing this time off to attend an interview. It’s for a job but I cannot give you any more information. It is to do with Lawns, Tennis and Associations. The only requirement is that your first name is Roger. What a coincidence! I have been brushing up with some answers to the questions that one is normally asked in interviews:
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- Where do you see yourself in 10 years time?
Still trying to close the head-to-head gap with Rafa.
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- What are your strengths and weaknesses?
Strength – Fashion
Weakness – Hawkeye
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- If you were an animal what would you be?
I will make the chuckles as the panel will expect me to say GOAT. Which is the correct answer by the way.
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- Are you a team player?
There is no GOAT in team.
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- How do you work under pressure?
I usually make the flusterings and start the little arguments with Mr. Umpire. Luckily every time I do it the commentators pretend it’s the first time so it isn’t really an issue.
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- What do you do in your spare time?
I try to go homes and relax.
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- Is there anything you’d change in tennis?
Yes, no more clay courts unless they all play like hard surfaces. No more left handed players. And introduce a cap of 16 Slams as the maximum you can win in your career. (Figure may be revised depending on factors that I will keep as a secret.)
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OK, some of us have a private plane to catch.
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Much love
PF xxx
   
  • Dani

    OMG That is hilarious!!! Thank you for making me laugh. Love ‘honestations’ and ‘Sabbacial’ LOL I will miss Fed on the tour but hope PseudoFed will be around!!